Bless me

My last post... if I read now I feel that I sound so desperate and stupid. Someone very close had died and every time someone dies, the whole situation reminds me that our time here on earth is limited. I tend to remember this line in times when I have a fight with someone. And with this thought I tend to forgive the other person and behave as if whatever happened is forgivable and forgettable. However, what I observe now is that people tend to take this quality for granted and keep on pouncing again and again. And slowly I am feeling enough is enough. 

Someone recently told me that, "you don't talk to much people, do not try to take any extra measures to maintain the relationship, yet if you notice, those people have kept you in their lives. There is something in you which is unselfish and innocent and that only those people know cause they know you from your childhood. Even people who hardly have spent few month with you in school time, know your quality of friendship. School days are when people make pure relationships. So, leave those stupid college day friends, focus on positive and strive to make your dream come true." So, yes when I observe the school friends know me well and never hurt me and vice versa. 

It's time, 

                a) to leave the garbage people to where they belong - the dustbin, 

              b) to progress in the path where I live with dignity, self respect and fulfill what needs to be done.

Wish me luck and bless me so I be true to my dreams.

And Thanks C for your assuring words!

~ Smile

My Heart's Longings

I don't write these days even though I want to. Writing here is like writing to own self. I'm not even sure if anybody reads what I write.

I never made any good friends. Always had trust issues. And that issue deep rooted when the few friends who became close friends, used to visit my home too, suddenly without any explanation disappeared from my life. And after years when they saw me they didn't even speak a single word to me. I got their contact numbers and messaged them, they didn't respond and blocked me. I wrote e-mails to them and never got a single response. I'm sure it went to their spam or they just simply didn't choose to respond and ignored.

Well, it feels so bad that the selected people you were friends with they too ignore you, want to erase you from their lives. And what hurts most is that you don't know why they are ignoring you. What heinous crime I did to deserve such treatment.

I searched my question in Google and this is what I read in a post in Quora:
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https://www.quora.com/When-someone-suddenly-stops-talking-to-you-without-any-reason-what-does-this-mean

It could mean a multitude of things !

1)They used to enjoy your company and your conversations but now they no longer do.
- Could be true.

2) You did something that upset them terribly and they don't think its worth explaining to you what the mistake was.
- Honestly, I don't want to die without knowing the reason.

3) They had an ulterior motive right from the beginning and that's why they started talking to you ! Now either the purpose is solved or it is no loger necessary.
- Umm, I don't think so.

4) They had a crush on you thinking you were single but they realised you are comitted and are no longer interested in you.
- Nah, they are not that kinda friend.

5) They just now got to know a part of your character that they completely loathe.
- I would be glad if they would tell me, so, I can die peacefully, knowing what mistakes I did in this birth.

6) They were your pen or chat friends, you met recently and your face-to -face personality and behaviour was completely different from what it used to be over messages, and they don't like it.
- I haven't met any of my chat friends, yet.

7) They hated you from the beginning , wanted to teach you that it hurts to suddenly stop talking especially after you’ve been close.
- If they did, they have my curse that noone will remember them ever.

8) Your common acquaintances said something really bad about you that they no longer want to talk to you.
- hmm... I'm really skeptical about this part.

9) They want you to miss them.
- About, one friend I think this could be the case, taking revenge from me by not talking to me.

10) They're playing a prank.
- Pranks don't last for years together.

11) They want to give you a surprise in the near future and they think not talking to you for sometime before that and then attempting a thoughtful gesture, adds to that element of surprise.
- I have a feeling that this is not happening in my life ever.

12) They're reeeeaaaaaaallllllllyyyyyy busy.
- Yes, they are, however, I visited them when they were having party. So, can't be busy in a party. Right?

13) They are somehow mentally depressed and are distancing themselves from everyone not just you.
- Could be. Or it could be vice versa. That I'm depressed and they are avoiding a depressed person.

14) They made a huge mistake, don't have the guts to own up and also can't bear to hide it from you when you talk , so they avoid you completely.
- I have no idea and I don't think so that this is the case.

15 ) They already told you the reason symbolically before they stopped talking , but you didn't catch it.
- Yeah. Could be the case. I'm a dumb person when it comes to understanding double meaning talks and understanding symbolic talks.

16) You might have misbehaved with them and they started hating you for the cause.
- if I have, I'm really sorry for that.

17) It probably means that you have not lived up to their expectations in some way. But it could also be because of your other associations. It also means that you need to expand your social group and activities to a level where one person’s apathy does not disturb you too much.
- I have. Still no friend can replace a school (or college) friends. Especially a Friend with whom you were friends for 7-8 years continuously.

18)  I'm sorry to say this but eventually everyone that comes into you life can't always stay they just teach you a lesson and their gone. You gotta accept that and remember that not everyone can stay. 
- True. Yet when life is on the downhill, I often remember my school college friends, those very few friends I had.

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Honestly, before I leave this body and set off to don't know what life form or no life from at all, I would like to know the reasons, my mistakes. They don't have to be in talking terms with me. Just tell me my mistakes. What made them stop talking to me at all?

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Edit as on 2021-07-05:

Check this post of mine for the updates... https://gayatrigouda.blogspot.com/2018/11/bless-me.html 

also

https://gayatrigouda.blogspot.com/2021/07/what-was-i-doing-being-away-from-blogger.html

~ Khushi.