Odia or Marathi or Indian - who am I?

Recently I watched some interviews by Mr. Raj Thackeray in You Tube. I went into a comma state for few minutes after listening to his viewpoints. My husband asked me, "What happened?" and my answer was a blind look at him. Mr. Thackeray's thoughts had left me in the state of horror and panic. I had not felt such insecurity even when the Kargil war had happened. I recollected my stay in Mumbai.

I have lived there for more than 2 years (2 years 3 months to be specific). I would say I love Mumbai - for it was my stay out of my home state Odisha (earlier called Orissa) and I had faced some real challenges in dealing with the huge population, traffic, culture, food, water, pollution etc.

Though there were many challenges that came through, the situations, the people; they gave me an idea about the practical real world, where you cannot survive with the thought that the world is full of peaceful humans. Everything is still fresh in my memories. The rush in local trains, the huge steps that you have put in order to catch your bus after you come out of the platform - amazing! Just amazing! I never had such experience for the past 21 years or my life. And after the long 22 years I am actually facing the fast paced world. Gone were that calm and quite weather of my city, those cows - buffaloes - goats - crows - and many others birds/animals. And I am here in this land full of huge towers - naae - those are houses where people live; much above the ground. Rush anywhere - everywhere!

Before I landed there I had this fear in my mind. Mumbai mahanagari ~ सपनों का सेहर (the city of dreams) - you can reach to the top here - you can destroy yourself too. These bad clouds were over my mind throughout my stay for almost a year. After I completed my first year there, I started to come out and mix with people. And that's when I actually discovered the city, the people, the food and the culture. People around me used to love us for our manners, for our behaviors. They used to share their food, sweets with us. They helped us with tools we needed for some house hold work. No one looked at us if we were wearing Jeans, Sleeve less t-shirt or a skirt. I was not used to these kinds of fashionable clothes earlier - for I was scared what the people around me would think of me. However, I found this place so lovely and the people treated us just like their own people. Well... exceptions are always there - just like Mr. Raj Thackeray.

I would say we are pointing out at that guy for he is able to show his guts and tell us, "Yes, you non-Marathi Maanus - Get Lost!" However, there were few... unhu... there are few more maanus like him. It's just that they don't have guts. However, I wish the population of these people is less. For, after listening to Mr. Thackeray's speech, I have no more interest to go there back. I have fear in my mind now for they would kill us some day - just as the British soldiers did 100 years back. I have stayed in Mumbai, Hyderabad, and Bangalore. However, whenever, someone asks, I say - Mumbai is my favorite place to stay. Especially, Navi-Mumbai - I just love that place and the people out there. However, as these things are going on there I am hesitant to go back.

There are more confusions that go on and on in my mind. My husband is born and brought up in Mumbai, Bandra. However, he is an Odia as in-laws went there and settled there for my father-in-law got his job in Navy Dockyard. He doesn't have fluency over Odia language, however, is affluent in Marathi. I can understand Marathi completely (for I stayed there for 2+ years), but cannot speak it. I am born and brought up in Odisa. We stay in Bangalore, Karnataka now. You know what! I wonder which language should I focus on, which language should I teach my child? Odia or Kannada or Hindi or Marathi or Telugu? Tough question to answer! Hindi - we would teach for its declared as our national language. English - without this you can't do any kind of communication/business in most part of the world. Kannada - for here too this Kannadika feeling is there. Odia - Marathi; God knows if my children can ever focus on them in this fast paced - competitive world. This definitely makes me sad every time I think about it.

We say we are democratic and have so many religions, so many languages to speak, so many variety of food to savor. But aren't these causing a lot of struggle, misunderstanding, and stress? We say we are Indians. I say, "I am an Indian!" However, we don't have a single language called "Indian". Every time we have a war we all become one and we say we are Indian. After the war is over... and just few days have passed - we all become our own religion, language based, state based, city based people. We say no to two lovers to get married cause ~ one is Brahmin and the other is Shudra ~ one is Hindu and other is Muslim ~ one is from North Indian and other is South Indian ~ one is from Village and other one is from a City ~ one is from Mumbai and other is from Nanded ~ one is from Odisha and the other from Pune. I can go on and on recollecting situations I have seen in my and my near and dears' life. Things don't go good with Indians from different part of India. And there always happens a big... naaee... a Huge drama around these two people from different zones. Thank God they were Indians!! And one of them was not a foreigner. What if he or she falls in love with a foreigner? I can imagine how long the melodrama would continue and then a gigantic war between families. Output - can't state a single "The End" for it varies.

Sometime I feel I have lost my identity. These events, fighting, struggles they are filling my heart, my brain with panic, insecurity, fear and anxiety. It causes unnecessary stress. I feel insecure for myself. What if some day a riot breaks on and opposite parties want to kill Odias and Marathis. What would happen to us then? Who are we then? Myself: an Odia; Himself - a Marathi. Both will be cut down by those giants. Can you recollect the scene from 'Bombay' movie? I can clearly now.

I am scared to visit Mumbai at all now; though I have to some time for sure, for I have my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and their children settled there. God!! Save us!! Give us some sense about our own country, our own people. Release us from the hatred and fear.

I read this blog few days back and I liked it very much. Go on and feel the 'Indian' in you for you too must have some moments in your life like this: "A Lunch with Bal Thackeray".

Catch you in the next blog...

♥ ~ Smile