Time Management after Marriage

Time Management!! I heard this term manier times when I was young and was bachelor. However, had never felt the importance... not just importance rather necessity of it in my life; until I got married. Life took a twist after marriage.. Don't confuse the twist with the song "Twist" from Love Aaj Kal movie. And there was "Change" in everything, everywhere. Be it office or be it home, be it friendship or be it hobbies, be it food or be it sleep. Everything faced the Change in it.

Now if we talk about life before marriage it usually has the following ingredients - not much responsibility, ample time for yourself, ample time for friends and family, ample time for your passion / hobbies, freedom to stretch in your office to work late hours.

On the other hand life after marriage brings along with it a huge Dowry i.e.- more responsibility (not just duty), very less time for friends and your old family, not much time for passion / hobbies (the 's' from hobbies is usually gone), no late hour working in office, not much time for yourself (for your soul).

I don't think there is much of description or any other detail needed to explain the situation. We all go through the similar situations. Now, the situation is almost same for both genders. You may feel as I am gender bias, however, I am not. As a female I know how much pressure is built on us. However, I also understand what pressures built on a guy's mind and guy's life.

It's funny to know that both the genders fear the term marriage. Different people have different reason for this phobia. We have the tendency to please each other. And thus, with our pre-assumption we trying to do something, our try to bring something which we think the other person would appreciate. However, there are situations when the other person actually doesn't need that, but needs something else. (S)He expects the other person should have known this... alas, (s)he doesn't know. There is no clear communication, there is no expectation setting. No one opens up, but expects the other to understand... aargh... I think you better read the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". This would give some good idea about the two entirely different sub-species, though we belong to the species "human".

Well... leave apart these stupid situations... actually these are stupid. Why 'Stupid'? Well, these can be avoided or eradicated by proper Communication; by proper usage of words when you deal with your loved ones.

Now, we communicate, we spend time together, we expect each other's time, we need some good food, love and sleep. How do we achieve this just with the time span of 24 hours. Earlier I used have 24 hours for myself and just myself. Now, I have to share with the others too. Oh God!! The time is moving so fast... How to utilize the 24 hours for my house hold work, my office work, my family, my hobbies...? I need more time now...! But... but... but... we can't have more than 24 hours in a day, unless the size of the earth becomes drastically big someday. So that it takes more than 24 hours to complete the rotation around itself and we get more hours as our day and night. May be some magic would do that... Well... let's not wander in the fantasy land and resume in the reality.

Time Management is not the only thing that would help you have fulfilling married life. It is needs to support of Communication, Resource Utilization, Prioritizing, Planning and People Smart skills. With the help of these you would plan your day to manage whatever time you have. It's you who can take time for whatever you had before your marriage. You have that power.

As Brian Tracy has said for anything you want to have in your life the 3 Ds are important for it: Decision, Discipline, and Determination. These 3 Ds are important for anything and everything that you want to achieve.

Take the decision - what you want to do in a day; whatever you want to do, on whatever activity you want to spend. Getting up a little early in the morning, finish your daily routine, spend an hour for cooking, watch new headlines at least or some music and have your breakfast, reaching office on time, work in office, starting from office on time, come back home, freshen up, watch some music channel / whatever you like to watch, cook the dinner, have your dinner, talk to husband and sleep.

Have discipline to follow what decision you have taken - Try to finish the work in the planned time limit, follow the time lines (deadlines), use the buffer time, cook food, read books or spend time for your passion.

Have determination to reach to the result and don't withdraw in between - Finishing work in the time limit, following your passion, spending time with yourself and with your family / friends.

Isn't it difficult to achieve the above three? I have only 24 hours and from that 6-8 hours I sleep, as that's needed for a good day to start; I spend 2 hours for cooking, I spend 2-3 hours traveling, I spend 10 hours (9.5 hours) in office. I am left with only 1 hour now in a day. That too is gone in freshening up, eating, changing clothes, keeping stuff in place. And I have 0 (ZERO) HOURS LEFT for anything else!!!!!!

This is almost every working woman's daily routine. We have 0 hours left at the end of the day. This change isn't easy for me; neither is healthy for me. Now, don't ask me to sleep for 4 hours and adjust the time. Docs suggest 6-7 hours sound sleep for a healthy body. You must have heard about so many heart attacks these days. Most of the cases reveal stretched work hours, late night sleep, and irregular hours of sleep / food habits.

So, time management, it seemed impossible for me. However, it is not impossible, it is challenging.

Time is limited, is scarce. Thus, we have to start utilizing our time effectively to win the challenge. We can't do effective time utilization without its companions.

Resource Utilization and Planning - it's very important. You don't need to do everything yourself. There are certain things that you can avoid and have someone else do it for you. Cooking - you love your husband, I understand. But you can have a maid who will cut vegetables for you, keep rice daal in cooker, prepare chapatis for you. You can later prepare tadaka for daal, fry the chapatis in pan, prepare the curry out of the cut vegetable etc. In case you don't want to cook yourself; have a cook instead and fix the hour for her when she would come and do the cooking. Still if you don't want to have home maid for this and you feel you are a super women to do that yourself, then you may cut vegetables in advance at night and keep it in fridge. In the morning it would be less pain staking and easy for you to prepare food in less time. During weekends bring whatever you need for the morning breakfast. You may prepare separate mix for of rice, black gram; in case you want to prepare Dosa or Idli. You may have enough bread for 2 days in a week, and some egg; it would be easier for you to prepare Bread-Omelet or Sandwich. Thus, you plan for your week ahead and for every single day.

Prioritizing - Prioritizing in house hold stuff... Is it really needed and how is it relevant? If you want to use your time effectively then you need to determine what things that you really need are. And what adds more value. Make a list of all things and find out which adds some value to yourself, to your life and to your soul. May be other stuffs that doesn't add any value, you would need to avoid. If they are required find some other resource to do that. Cleaning the house for example; it definitely creates a good impression for your husband. However, if you do it every time, you will feel irritated gradually and you might not find it interesting to you. Have a maid instead who would do that and you spend those time with your husband, talking to him, watching television with him. That would create a good bond instead. Once in a while you do the cleaning, so that he doesn't think that you have become lazy or don't want to contribute to the family. Same goes for the cooking, if you do it daily, you would get tired gradually, as you are working, traveling etc. Thus, choose to cook one time or may be once in a while prepare some delicious dishes. 

Communication and People Smart Skills - Communication is very important everywhere, in every relationship - be it Parents - Children, Employee - Boss, Client - Manager, Customer - Sales Person, Boyfriend - Girlfriend, Father - Mother, Friend - Friend, Husband - Wife. Its communication which helps you getting things done that you want to be done. Thus, usage of proper tone, proper words, and proper body language is necessary for a relationship to continue.

It's both the giver and receiver's responsibility to communicate properly. Use a tone that shows understanding. Be empathetic - try to understand what the other person is undergoing, what the other person is feeling or thinking.

Try to mirror each other. When you are in love you try to do what the other person likes. You do it willingly and not forcefully. That is what is called mirroring. Do the same with your family members. A point of caution, if you feel someone is adamant and gets angry, never mirror in that case. Rather try to show empathy. Make him/her feel that you understand how they are feeling about the situation or incident. Don't bounce back at that moment. You will get your turn to explain where you were doing right and the other person misinterpreted or misunderstood that. Empathy is something that can patch up any bad situation.

"Rome wasn't built in a day" - Anything that is worth something takes time to assemble.

So, Patience is something that's necessary even for a marriage. You take the first step and see after few days the other person would try to mirror you, would understand you too, would do things that you appreciate, would start appreciating you. This way you inculcate the leadership skills in you. If the other person is taking more time to change, then be patient and give him / her more time. However, don't lose your good qualities because of the bad habits (s)he has. Be assertive in that matter. If things are getting worse then may be reduce you effort a little. Wait and after some time start again.

Use of proper words, proper tone would help you have good people smart skills. Take for example, (s)he gets aggressive, then you be passive and keep quite. Later when things cool down, after a while start the discussion on it, however, don't charge anyone, provide valuable suggestions though and discuss on improvements.

Focus on positive words.

Example: Rather than saying

~ I hate this, this is bull shit etc. - say - I would love to appreciate if this can be done this way / I think this could have been better than this.

~ Don't keep these plates here, this is disgusting - say - Please keep the plates in the basin... This place looks good when it's clean.

Etc.

Etc.

Proper expression and tone is needed along with the positive words. Avoid commanding tone. You would not love to hear it - right!! So, why to use the same for someone else!

Earl Nightingale has said, "You become what you think." Thus, start feeling good, start feeling what you have always thought your life would become and sow the seeds of good thoughts, fill your life with positive vibration. The mirror concepts says, if you want your husband to treat you with love, affection and take utmost care of you - then start taking care of him, start loving him, start show your affection, your empathy for him. He would do the same in due course of time. Same goes for the guys.

Sit and discuss things with each other including your finances. Start sharing things including finances. Wondering why am I talking about sharing finances? Finance - is something that can become the evil in your married life, if you don't discuss about it with each other or if you don't share it with each other, for each other. Sharing your money with your partner would build that last pillar of Trust in your relationship. And trust is essential for any relationship to continue for a longer period of time.

I hope you are not scared any more about your married life and the time management part of it. In short do the planning over weekends for the next week, prepare a to do list for daily work, prioritize those work and then use the companions to get things done and do whatever you need/want to do.

In office too in order to utilize the 9 hours effectively and have your personal time out of that - follow the same pattern. If possible, work from home sometime. Try to reduce commuting time. If possible use your people smart skills to convince your partner and have a home which would be nearer to both of your offices. With this you will rock both in your personal and professional life.

The most important key for following what you have read just now is - Avoid Procrastinating Completely. This is similar to an AIDS virus that destroys everything.

Catch you in next blog...
♥ ~ Smile

[A good resource for time management is "Eat that Frog!" book by Brian Tracy.]